I don't feel like writing a blog post today. And yet, I committed to myself that I would post something each of the 90 days that I am rewiring my brain (
see Day 1). This left me wondering - how do I determine when to forge ahead even though something is hard and I want to take a break. Sometimes, this feeling of not wanting to keep my commitment should be honored, such as when I truly need to rest or move more slowly for a while. Other times, my reluctance is a symptom of resisting change, or avoiding confronting myself in some way. So here I am, writing this blog post that I don't want to write. In the 20 days of this project so far, this is the third time that I have really not felt like writing a blog post. The other two days, I took it a bit easy by posting photos of quotes on my walls (
see Day 8), and writing two stanzas of poetry (
see Day 12). Today, I am writing about the fact that I don't want to write. In this way, I think I am finding a compromise. I acknowledged my feeling of resistance by writing shorter blog posts, while also honoring my commitment to myself by still writing something. As I continue this process of becoming more fully connected to my deeper self, I hope that it will become easier to determine when to push through my resistance, and when to pull back and rest for a while.
I'm going about my 10 year reflection process with so much more ease and flow than during the original process a decade ago. This time around, I have written a response to every day's post, (I think I haven't missed any?), within 3 days of the original date. I have no structure in place to make sure this happens, I just end up turning toward this open tab at some point each day - to read the post from that day, and possibly to respond to 1 or 2 posts, mostly from the day before.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that I can even embark on a minimally structured blogging journey for 90 days at this point is a huge testament to how far I've shifted. Nowadays I have more balance in prioritizing my commitments while also honoring my present capacity and desire in each moment. When those things are in conflict these days, it is much easier for me to have patience and maintain spaciousness around the conflict. To allow the Parts that "don't wanna" to have a voice, and to choose not to produce at times.
Dedication, practice, consistency, these are all still core to who I am and how I move in the world. But these days it involves a lot less force, a lot more flow, and definitely lower consistency because of it.
And, I feel very clear that this trade off is worth it, and I feel solid in allowing less consistency and using less will power to constantly produce.