My 92 year-old grandmother has just been moved into hospice care. Her health has been in decline for about six months, but things took a sudden turn for the worse yesterday. Given that she is 92, I have known that this day would come sooner rather than later in general, but it still feels scary and sad. I feel thankful for all the wonderful times I spent with her, especially as a child, but regret that I didn't make more of an effort to spend more time with her in the last few years. She is a really amazing person who has had an interesting life. She thrived in incredibly challenging circumstances as an immigrant to the US as a teenager, a German Jew who survived the holocaust. She is someone who always brings people together and can make friends with strangers in line. She was incredibly smart, better at crossword puzzles than most native English speakers. She has always loved well, including supporting me through my transition. She will be very dearly missed.
I am feeling grief, pain, fear of death. And yet I am also grateful for the many years she has lived, and for the way this pain is bringing me closer to my family. Shared grief, like shared joy, is part of being a family and this experience reminds me of how grateful I am for my relationships with my family members.
stay present and strong!
ReplyDeleteAt the 10 year anniversary of my Grandmother's death, I feel the significance and transformation that happened for me through the experience of her going into hospice, grieving, and helping my mom with the logistical aspects of her death. There are some deep regrets I have about how I leaned out of my relationship with my grandmother in the last few years of her life. May I learn this lesson only once: our time together is precious- value it and prioritize it and hold it with care.
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