How do you determine how much to you share with strangers in a casual conversation? I have been in situations where someone was over-sharing in a way that felt very uncomfortable, but I have also been in conversations where I've felt an instant and deep connection with someone, where we were able to share much more than strangers normally do in casual conversations. These extreme ends of the spectrum can be fairly easy notice while I am experiencing them, however there are many more nuanced interactions that have me puzzled. When interacting with a stranger, I have very little information by which to evaluate the experience. Body language and the energy that someone projects are the major clues I rely on to interpret a particular interaction. Was that a meaningful conversation to the other person? Were they being their authentic selves? Was I? I have always thought that I had a pretty good understanding of what other people experienced in social interactions. And yet, now that I am getting to know more about different peoples' internal processes, I am starting to doubt this knowledge. As it turns out, I often do not have an accurate understanding of friends' emotional experiences. If I am this inaccurate when interpreting the feelings of people I know, then it seems quite likely that I am incorrect with strangers.
Where does this leave me in terms of how much to share with strangers? I wish to create meaningful connections with folks who are open and receptive and dynamic, but am also concerned with guarding my energy from leeches. Living in a big city, almost everybody has their guard up in new interactions, as do I. How can I break through these barriers in those moments when it is possible to do so? How can I still feel protected when it is not the right person or place for such intimate experiences? Is casual realness possible?
One thing I have learned recently is that we in fact are all pretty terrible about knowing what others are feeling. We all think we're pretty good at it, and our accuracy is actually very low. Can't remember where I read this, but it's science-y research data, I swear!
ReplyDeleteNow that I live in a small town, this all feels pretty different. There's a lot more openness to casual conversations. People are moving much more slowly and are more open to responding to what is happening in the moment rather than striving to get things done constantly. That feels like an ecological change that has made this easier to navigate, and is one of the reasons I chose to leave big city life behind. It's been a huge adjustment to become more open to others in this small town context, but I think it has improved my quality of life significantly.