This photo is of my grandma at 7 years old, 1927 in Germany. She passed away late last night, peacefully in her sleep, after 92 years of whole-hearted living. From eight years-old to fourteen, I used to spend my summers with my grandmother. I feel so lucky to have had those summers with her, just the two of us. I played cards, scrabble, and rummy for hours on end with her and her friends. Even at eight years-old, Grandma Lilo and her friends made me feel like I was welcome, interesting, worth talking to. She always made me feel loved, and supported me in everything I did. My grandmother was 85 years-old when I transitioned, and while she went through a slow transformation of her own during my process, she was always accepting and open to hearing what I was going through, and willing to actively work on calling me by my new name and male pronouns. She just wanted to know if I was happy, and when I said that I was, she said that was all she needed to know.
Grandma Lilo will continue to inspire me for the rest of my life. Her ability to continue changing as a person, throughout her entire life, is something I aspire to in my own life. She was open-minded, intellectually curious, able to connect with everyone around her, and loving. She survived the holocaust and still loved with her whole heart after seeing such horrific atrocities. Her death is another important reminder to make the most of every moment, that life is fleeting, and that connecting with loved ones is the most important thing in life. I am so grateful to have had her in my life for so long, and to still have my parents, aunt and uncle, and brother.
May her memory be a blessing.
ReplyDeleteMy Grandma Lilo's 10th yarzheit isn't until 12/19 this year, the 2nd night of Hanukkah, 10 days after the original death date on the Gregorian calendar. (This year was a leap year in the Hebrew calendar, and now the dates will slowly drift back toward the Gregorian dates, in endless cycle of lunar calendar and solar.)
ReplyDeleteIn this portal of her yarzheit, I'm feeling the reverberations of the time leading up to Grandma Lilo's death, and I'm not all the way to this death moment yet in that energetic cycle. I keep wondering why I've been feeling overwhelmed and low functioning all week. As if this 10 year anniversary weren't happening, as if my subconscious isn't mostly in the realms of my ancestral line at the moment.
I'm grateful to be re-reading this blog on the 10th year anniversary, and having it give me some context for why I've been feeling so out of whack this week. Now I will take more time to be with in my experience of Grandma Lilo's life, her death, and her ancestorship these past 10 years.