I have spent two days doing very little, resting after a very active period. This is my current balancing technique. I adjust my course before it gets too extreme, such as by a period of resting after a lot of work, rather than finding a continuous balance every day, such as between work and rest. I think of balance as a dynamic process, one that is constantly in motion. When I was younger I did not know my limits, so I would hit my extremes of exhaustion and burnout and need weeks or months to recover my energy. I see this a lot in activist circles as well, where people dedicate all of their energy to a movement, and eventually deplete themselves to the point where they have to take years off to recover from it. Over the years I've learned to detect the signs sooner, to see when I am becoming depleted and take steps to replenish myself sooner. This replenishing only comes at the next convenient time for it, however, This week I was taking advantage of a holiday that allowed me the time to rest. Even though I was already at my limits for at least a few days beforehand, I had commitments that I chose to keep rather than resting. Some of these commitments were fulfilling and energizing, while others were draining. I wonder how many of the "unbreakable" commitments are actually as important as they seem in my head? Some of my commitments are truly important to me, but perhaps not as many as I perceive there to be. Someday, I hope to play until I feel like resting, then rest until I feel like playing again. For now, I will balance as best I can.
This post ignites a yearning in me for the time when I had so much choice over being beyond capacity and what to do about it. In this current time of having young children and existing in the hyper individualized "family" structures we are currently drowning in, I have fewer options for taking care of my needs in a balanced way.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I'm working on getting better at asking for help and support, as I know there is more available to me than I reach for. Tolerating the vulnerability of needing support is still scary and can lead to overwhelm / freeze at times, where I know I need the help but can't find a way to ask for it.
I have also gotten a lot more familiar with my needs and the warning signs that I'm beyond my capacity, and am mostly better able to pivot to downsize my commitments and pull my energy in when I need to. I think this will be a lifelong process! It is a direct threat to capitalism when we prioritize our needs and sustainability, so there are a lot of forces pushing us in the opposite direction. Protecting our boundaries around work and around energy output takes so much more effort than it would in a culture that understood and respected the need for sustainability - on every scale from the micro to the macro.