Change is something we all experience and yet we are not taught explicitly about the change process in school or in most families. We all develop our own theories and ideas about how change works, and especially about what we can and cannot change in our own lives. These theories are often grandiose and convoluted, rather than realistic assessments of what we can actually control. By making change seem nearly impossible, we give ourselves permission not to take small actions that could improve our circumstances. For instance, when I was a teenager and my dad was unemployed, we were always potentially moving to another city. At the time I wanted to move because I thought that moving would solve all my problems. I wrote in my journal at 15 that if we moved I could finally be the person I had always wanted to be. This was a comforting fantasy, but wholly unrelated to how real change happens. While I would have had the chance to present a new social persona in a new place, my core sense of unhappiness and self-judgment that I was dealing with at the time would not have been affected by moving. By focusing my emotional energy on this potential move as a cure for my problems, I overlooked the small actions I could have taken to improve my life as it already existed. The Serenity Prayer seems to capture this human tendency perfectly: "God(dess) grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the strength to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Now that I know more about how change actually occurs, and the phases of the change process, I feel a lot more hopeful about affecting my life in meaningful ways. By letting go of the idea that I can control the larger world or other people or my circumstances, I am better able to control my own actions and focus my energy toward realizing my dreams. This feels quite liberating and very hopeful. I don't have to settle for a life of emotional disconnection, spiritual emptiness, or chronic stress. I can already see much change happening, and anticipate much more in 2013!
Love this <3
ReplyDeleteTrippy graphics. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteNo--real change is a M--F--er. It's slow and methodical and very boring... Unless you stay focused on the Now.
And then you will see, NOW things are different. And NOW things are different. And NOW...etc.
I prefered the Serenity Prayer that was on my grandmother's wall:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change what I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those who got in the way..."
Deb
Last year I developed my own change process model, part of an Oracle Deck I've been working on. It's the DARE Deck, and DARE is the change cycle steps we all go through, over and over and over: Decompose, Alchemize, Resource, Emerge. This is it. Over and over. In all areas of life, in various states in different facets of our lives all the time. What are you decomposing right now? What is emerging?
ReplyDeleteAnd so I've learned to ask: What step of DARE is currently up in this area of my life? I've learned self-intimacy. I explore: Which of these energies can I generally flow in and where do I usually get stuck? How can I reach for help and support in the phases of the DARE cycle where I get stuck?
For me, Resourcing has generally been hardest, and what I'm working to reclaim for myself now. It is sacred work for survivors of generational trauma to learn how to Resource ourselves through Pleasure and Play! How do I reach for support in learning to harness the power of this energy signature, to unlearn the Capitalist precept of "productivity" as the measure of worth?
It's really exciting to see how profoundly this inquiry has continued to unfurl and develop in this 10 year exploration. Thank you for witnessing.