This process of change has been rewarding, but incredibly hard too. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing at the top of the high dive, looking down at the water, terrified. I've watched everyone else jump off and survive, and yet it feels like my life is truly in danger. Knowing my own emotions and sharing them with another person is not actually a life-threatening experience, and yet it can feel like one. This is my fight or flight response, a physiological fear reflex that happens away from the logical part of my brain. The lizard brain kicks into survival mode and all higher functioning tasks of the brain and body shut off in order to maximize my bodies ability to fight or flee. I know this, and yet in the moment it is very difficult to intervene. How can I move from realizing that I can interrupt my patterns or act differently in a certain situation to actually doing so? As I have seen with other changes I have made in my life, and in my research on the change process, an outside catalyst usually causes the shift. It is often a difficult catalyst, one that forces me to change. Avoiding the change becomes impossible, or facing it becomes my least bad option. I know that every time I have made a major change in my life, it has been incredibly hard and also entirely worth it. And yet, when I am on the verge of change, nothing could be more terrifying. I'm learning to feel the fear and do it anyway. That's my mantra for today. When you are on the verge of change, how do you push through to make it actually happen?
Jump already. Look at the line behind you!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I try to remember that the biggest changes often come after periods of muddiness/confusion, boredom, or overconfidence: maybe, in other words, imbalance. And then, BAM: change! Bringing things back into balance. I find it's not so much a matter of pushing through as just existing through, until the change becomes inevitable. Patience.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that has helped me change immensely over the past 4 years has been Internal Family Systems (IFS) Parts Work. By working with the specific Parts that are afraid of the change and hearing more of their specific reasons about why it is so terrifying, I can provide comfort and guidance from Self, from a place of courage and confidence and connection. From this place, all change feels manageable. So then, when my Parts are extremely activated about a potential change, there is still an "adult" in the room who can help the Parts manage their emotions, hold their process well, and still proceed with the desired change with gentle persistence. This doesn't always work - there are certainly things I've been trying to change for this entire 10 years to no avail - but when I am able to change something that has been really intractable, that's the strategy that has been most effective for me.
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