 |
The Neural Network by rajasegar |
For the past 90 days I have been proactively rewiring my neural pathways in order to alter certain damaging habitual thoughts and actions, including a perpetual disconnection between my mind, body, and soul. In addition to demolition of certain repetitive thoughts and behaviors, I have been constructing new thoughts and actions to replace the old. This blog was part of the process, which also included much reflection, writing, reading, and listening to music related to the new "thought highways" I have been building in my brain. To rewire my brain, I divided this 90 day project into nine 10-day units which each focused on demolition and reconstruction of a specific region of my mental highway system (otherwise known as neural pathways). While the major demolition and reconstruction has occurred in these nine areas, the brain remodeling process is definitely not over. However, the first round of rewiring is now complete and that means it's time for a celebration! Although no areas of rewiring are finished, this project has put into motion much healing, growing, and changing. As I enter my 30th year, I am so curious to see where the rewiring process will take me next. Thanks for taking this 90 day journey with me, and for sharing your thoughts with me as well. I love seeing how all of you are growing and developing in your own processes too.
In this last blog post, I will reflect on my process of re-reading this blog and adding a 10 years later reflection to each post. One thing that has stood out to me is how much more gentle and kind with myself I was this time around compared to my process with the original blog 10 years ago.
ReplyDeleteIn 2013 I wrote a blog post on 87 out of the 90 days of the project. In contract, this year I wrote blog post responses in fits and spurts. Sometimes I'd go two weeks without reflecting, sometimes I'd be writing consistently one each day, sometimes I'd respond in chunks of concentrated time. There was more flow in my process, more responsiveness to my life.
Partly this is because the 10 year anniversary project didn't play as significant a role in my life as the original rewiring process did in 2013. And partly I've become a lot more comfortable with looser structures. For me, it feels like a miracle to experience a kind and supportive inner voice while I was inconsistently blogging for the past 3 months! I mean, I'm a week past my 40th birthday as I'm writing this last post, and I truly feel satisfied with that. Feeling full self-acceptance about completing this a week late may sound natural to you, but for me it symbolizes an internal revolution. Although I heard voices of shame arise in me during this blog process because of my inconsistency, my internal narrative remained supportive. AND, in the end I responded to every single post and only ended the project 7 days late, without using willpower or harnessing anxiety to get there. Hallelujah. That truly is a miracle and a reminder to to continue centering sustainability.
May this be yet another experience in the rewiring process - to know that it is possible to honor my true capacity in each moment and to also honor my commitments. May this next decade bring expansion, peace, and community.