 |
|
|
Mental exercise strengthens the thoughts being practiced, just as physical exercise strengthens the body. Practicing Intention in my thoughts also cultivates attention, reception, perception, and conception. Practicing intention, attention, reception, perception, and conception also has a side effect of slowing down time. Each mole hill of a moment becomes a mountain. Each detail of the moment is transformed into an experience of its own. While this is great for moments of happiness and joy, why practice mindfulness when slowing time down is undesirable, where I want to minimize the experience as much as possible? In learning to practice mindfulness, I have struggled to be attentive to my thoughts, actions, reactions, feelings, physical sensations during moments of heightened stress. I subconsciously keep myself distracted to the present moment, without realizing that I am trying to avoid a certain feeling or reaction. These are important moments to practice mindfulness, however, as going toward my fears (in this case of scary emotions) is what will ultimately release them. This has been a great challenge for me, however I am hopeful that it will improve over time. While I rewire my brain through intentionally and repetitively thinking new thoughts, the old thought patterns are still very active. The grooves of these thought patterns are well-worn, and my brain can trigger them almost instantaneously. Through the daily practice of bringing attention to my unconscious thoughts and habits, however, I can adjust course away from these thought patterns more quickly than in the past, counteracting these negative thoughts with other more affirming thoughts that I truly believe. I don't use affirmations that I don't believe to be true, but there are plenty of positive thoughts I do believe and yet never think. By proactively integrating these new thoughts into my daily life, I hope to slowly transform my reality.
This is an area where I have seen huge growth over the past 10 years. I still find myself falling into negative self-talk patterns: old familiar and well-worn paths of inner criticism. But it is quite rare these days. I can look at my body without any negative thoughts, I can experience a mistake with regret or concern but not self-flagellation, I can repeat a negative pattern without spinning out into the hopelessness of everything. Most of the time. And that feels like a HUGE win. It's definitely not perfect, but much improved!
ReplyDelete