It is only day six of my 90 day project to rewire my brain, and I am rather stunned by the results thus far. My approach to this project is to operate from the Beginners Mind. I've committed to try any rewiring strategies suggested by people I trust and respect, and simply observing the results. Whatever is useful to me, I will continue to do, the rest I will discard. I have been quite amazed with the results thus far, with a lot more noticeable changes than I expected this early on. For example, beginning each day with an intention has helped me wake up in a better mood. This is significant considering I'm notoriously grumpy in the mornings. There are certainly challenges, such as needing significantly more rest than usual, but at the moment it all seems so worth it.
My new motto is The Only Way Out Is Through. It is simple, but it's not easy. At first (i.e. six days ago) it felt scary and difficult to face my emotions, and now... well it still feels difficult and scary, but I also feel more calm, focused, and centered. That positive experience is affecting my outlook on the process. I am actually excited for the next 84 days rather than overwhelmed by them as I was on day one. Plus I've already had one wish come true. As if I ever thought
that particular suggestion would work! Perhaps my current assessment is a brief peak in an otherwise difficult experience, but so far I feel fantastic. (And weepy, mind you, but fantastic the rest of the time...) All in all it's better than I've felt in a long time.
It's funny, this post strikes me as quaint 10 years later. Like, yes there have been cosmic, revolutionary, groundbreaking changes, and also, I feel overall disappointed with how much there is still left to heal.
ReplyDeleteMy internal world has fundamentally transformed from how it was 10 years ago, and yet I had much higher hopes for how I would feel day-to-day by now. I had a strong unconscious fantasy about "healing" as if it was this destination that I would reach in like, 5-8 years, and then I'd be good.
I am still pretty weepy, grumpy, and overwhelmed today, as I was 10 years ago. And, I can now track and address these ongoing experiences of my "stormy weather", my emotional ecosystem. And I can name it as such, have an accepting, intimate relationship with her. And I feel much more at peace with the reality of What Is, much less urgency around "fixing" myself. So, here we are. 🤷🏻