Time seems to be flying by in a weird way at the moment. Even though I am sticking to the mindfulness practices of this rewiring process, I seem to be very easily distracted the rest of the time. I am suddenly interested in random activities that haven't commanded my attention for months. I can't sit still and read any of the books I have in front of me. Every time I look at the clock, hours have disappeared. I think this is a coping mechanism of my subconscious, to avoid processing my grandmother's death. In my conscious mind, I want to go through the mourning process, and yet I seem to be creating many distractions for myself at the same time. Suddenly I feel compelled to spend time with acquaintances I haven't talked to in months, or attend events I would normally turn down. I don't think that it is because I need these people or activities for my healing process, but rather that I am using them as a way to avoid the process. Does this mean I am in the denial stage of grief? How do I override these impulses that are currently directing me? Is this an internal battle between conscious and unconscious parts of myself? How do I enhance communication between these parts? Which activities are serving as distractions and which ones are me taking a break from processing my emotions to simply rest, relax, or enjoy myself?
I think of these distractions as coping strategies for Overwhelm. Here is something that I can understand, that is finite and linear, like an activity or social engagement. These can be ways to Pause or lessen the intensity of a big emotional process, and I think it is mostly a good thing. And, it is also a sign that I need more support to be with whatever I am trying to process. Whether that is therapy, a Parts Work session, or reaching out to a friend to have an intentional conversation about whatever I need to process. Nowadays, when I start feeling myself get distracted in these ways, I both allow the distraction, and use it as a prompt to give myself more outside support for my process.
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