Reclaiming Ritual

D.N.A. Candle - Vanitas II by GlendonMellow

This holiday season I am discovering the joy of reclaiming ritual – realigning my holiday plans with my desire for genuine connection, rather than following the rote scripts of how holidays are “supposed” to be celebrated. For many years I rejected the traditions of most holidays as I decided that it did not make sense to blindly follow a prescriptive observance created by people with values quite different from my own. This decision, however, led to many years of sterile holidays – holidays that had been stripped of traditions I did not feel connected with, and yet still empty because I had not replaced these rejected traditions with new ways of celebrating. This year I am working to realign my holiday celebrations by developing meaningful rituals that speak to my own deep truths and to the essential value each holiday is trying to honor.  I have been learning how to create rituals for the past year or so, and the ceremony that marked my 30th birthday last February was the first time I designed my own ritual. Redesigning Hanukkah is my first experiment of this year, and so far the new celebration is incredibly meaningful for me. This year’s observance feels more alive and vibrant than any Hanukkah I’ve ever experienced, and is also a much more accurate reflection of my own spiritual beliefs. Additionally, the process of co-creating the ritual has been an unbelievably powerful experience. In order to create this new ritual, we needed to reflect on what Hanukkah means to us, and what aspects of the holiday resonate for each of us personally. This was a difficult task for me because I have many layers of fond memories and connection to particular moments I spent with people on Hanukkah that mean a lot to me, but aren’t actually connected to the holiday observance. Going through this process has helped me to separate those positive memories from the holiday rituals I do not find as meaningful.

I have been on a journey of spiritual discovery for the past several years, trying to figure out where the religion of my childhood fits into my adult spirituality. I am not religious, but do feel a powerful connection to all beings, to my ancestors and descendants, and to the ineffable mysteries of the Universe. Growing up, I always felt connected to the ritual aspects of Judaism, particularly to the ritual objects and ways of marking time in community. As I continue to explore the power of ritual in my life, I am starting to see how I can merge the Jewish calendar and connection to family and community with more authentic and meaningful rituals in my life. This new approach of reclaiming holidays is leaving me with a much more satisfying experience than my previous tactic of rejecting them outright. I still haven’t figured out most American holidays such as Thanksgiving, which continues to be a rather distressing day of overconsumption and chit chat, but hopefully by this time next year I’ll be ready to create a more meaningful Thanksgiving experience as well.